How to Get Over It and Get Out of Your Own Way
Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at the exact moment we think we’re finally getting it all together. A breakup, losing a job, missing out on a promotion, or the sudden end of a friendship—these moments hurt. But what hurts even more is how we sometimes let these losses define us. We replay them. We overanalyze them. We cry over spilled milk long after it’s dried.
But here’s the truth: you have the power to move forward, to stop reliving old stories, and to finally get out of your own way. Let’s talk about how.
1. Stop Romanticizing the Loss
When we experience a loss—romantic, professional, or personal—our minds often replay the best parts, conveniently glossing over the pain, red flags, or misalignment. That promotion you didn’t get? It might have required you to sacrifice your peace. That friendship you lost? Maybe it was more one-sided than you admitted. That relationship? You might have been shrinking yourself just to keep it alive.
Sometimes the thing we’re mourning isn’t what was holding us together—but what was holding us back.
2. Grieve, But Don’t Set Up Camp
You’re allowed to feel disappointment. You’re human. But giving pain a permanent room in your mind and heart keeps you stuck in cycles of self-doubt and bitterness.
Set a timer if you have to—cry, journal, take a day, but then start walking toward healing. Don’t let a temporary event become your forever story.
3. Identify Negative Thought Loops (this is powerful!)
Sometimes it’s not the event itself that haunts us—it’s the story we attach to it:
“I wasn’t good enough.”
“I’ll never find love again.”
“Maybe I just don’t belong.”
These aren’t truths; they’re distorted perceptions built on pain. Learn to recognize when your thoughts are spiraling. Ask yourself:
- Is this thought kind?
- Is it factual or emotional?
- Would I say this to a loved one or a friend?
4. Self-Love Isn’t Just Champagne and Bubble Baths
Self-love means protecting your peace, choosing yourself over and over again, and being honest about what you need to grow.
Here are some grounded self-love practices:
- Speak kindly to yourself. Practice affirmations or even neutral self-talk if positivity feels too far off.
- Keep promises to yourself. Whether it’s waking up early or going to therapy, showing up for yourself builds trust in you, which in turn builds trust for others.
- Forgive yourself. For what you didn’t know, for how you coped, for staying too long. Let it go.
5. Learn to Discern: Self-Criticism vs. Constructive Growth
There’s a huge difference between beating yourself up and holding yourself accountable.
Self-critical: “I’m so stupid for letting that happen.”
Self-constructive: “Now I understand the red flags I missed and how to set better boundaries moving forward.”
Growth doesn’t require punishment. It requires reflection, grace, and action.
6. Align Yourself with Light
Energy is contagious. If you surround yourself with people who speak life into your goals, who value honesty and growth, who encourage your healing—you’ll rise.
If your current circle doesn’t match your future, it’s okay to step back and seek connections that do. Whether it’s a community group, book club, workout class, or therapy circle, find people who remind you of your worth.
7. Redefine the Meaning of “Loss”
What if losing something you loved is what created the space for something better?
Sometimes rejection is redirection. The thing you didn’t get could be the universe’s way of making room for what you truly deserve.
Start to see endings as pivots, not failures. They’re often the first chapter of your next breakthrough.
Lived experience: I trapped myself in a 4.5 year long relationship full of turmoil and abuse, although it caused me major anxiety, depression and a lot of pain, I couldn’t will myself to leave. The advice that I would have given a friend, would have been to leave, to put themselves first and to let the relationship go, after all they would be much better off not having to deal with someone that uses the guise of love to purposely mistreat and hurt them. Ironically I refuse to take what would be my own advice. I felt like leaving him would be the end of my world, and that I would just fall apart. An emergency situation allowed me to finally see the forest for the trees and I forced him to leave. It’s been 4 years since I ended the trauma and I can say that I have advanced so much further in my life than I would have, had I not left that tragedy comedy of a relationship.
“Sometimes the thing you thought was keeping you whole was the very thing holding you hostage.”
Closing Thought:
Life will break your heart sometimes. But it will also mend it—if you let it. Getting over it doesn’t mean forgetting it. It means deciding not to let it run your life. You deserve peace. You deserve joy. And you deserve to stop crying over spilled milk and start sipping from a cup that’s overflowing with self-worth.
Self Cultivation 
Leave a comment