Two Truths and a Saturday Lie

I’ve always cherished a small, welcoming store that sells handcrafted soaps, candles, unique finds, and other items that promote hygge comfort and camaraderie. I discovered this cute little store in my town about two years ago, and it reminded me of one I found in the quaint town of Asheville, NC! ! One of my favorite activities is browsing dimly lit stores, smelling handmade soaps, looking at different pieces of unusual kitchenware and dishware, discovering random skincare assortments, and so on. All things swanky and off the beaten path soothes my soul in unexplained ways.

It’s the weekend before the MLK holiday, which means a 3 day holiday, which also means I can take a break from the regular weekend cleaning routine, put that off for one day and go out for a little me time. It’s been a goal of mine to get out more, since I started working from home, social anxiety has been a factor in my life, due to my limited contact with the world.

Today was a different day, and I was determined to feel like my normal self again! However, my matrix totally glitched and I didn’t even know how it happened until the future me showed up afterwards to explain my past reality.

So there I was in the Mercantile: sniffing soaps. Along comes a nice lady that offered to assist me if needed help, I shall call her ‘Nora’ for the sake of this post. Nora was fair skinned, African American lady with almost shoulder length hair parted down the middle, with a sprinkle of gray strands throughout, about 5’3 in height. I asked Nora for a shopping basket, because they often more things around the store and I could not find them. I decided on a few different soaps that I wanted to purchase. And went about the shop noting other things that I would love to purchase in the future: a tiny tea spoon set, plain yet fancy looking coffee mugs, and also noticing that the shop now carried spices and recipes to make soup. I marveled a bit at the wax melts trying to talk myself out of buying some as well as a $25.00 candle that smelled amazing. My intention was only to spend $30.00. After rationalizing with myself, to stay within my budget, I went to the checkout. Not without noticing that they also had specialty angel hair pasta!! I am a sucker for pasta, and I immediately thought of a recipe that I wanted to use the pasta for, along with some Salmon and gazpacho.

At checkout, I learned a few things about Nora. She was my age, but I noted that she seemed much more mature than I. She has an upcoming birthday on Monday. She was very nice and we had a few things in common, she had 2 kids in college, I have 1 also in college, we both agreed that raising kids gets harder as they get older and that its hard to get them to go the right way the 1st time around and that they sometimes have to learn things the hard way. Nora asked what I was doing for the rest of my day, making casual conversation as she wrapped the soaps for me, I told her that I was reading for the rest of the day, not really expecting the conversation to take such a turn. She then asked what book I was reading. Immediately I froze. I wasn’t prepared for any further conversation beyond replying to the first question.

Under normal circumstances, my intelligence is great, I have great communication skills and a multi level sense of humor that I am really proud of, I can hold a conversation with just about anyone regardless of education level or socioeconomic status. However, my current state of isolation has placed all of those great characteristics in my minds closet and they are all filed away, collecting dust.

They say if you don’t use it, you lose it. I think I had a temporary loss today.

After the book question I began stumbling around on my words while mentioning the name of the book that I was reading, meanwhile inside my head there was a 2 alarm fire going on. I blurted out the title of the book: Circe , and managed to explain that it’s a greek fantasy novel. Then babbled on to mention that I just finished reading a book that I spent almost 2 years trying to finish (The Silent Patient), the voices inside my head decided that sounded stupid and un-avid reader like, so I had to counter that with an explanation of why it took me 2 years to finish that book…”Oh I am in school so it’s hard for me to find time to read for leisure.”

That statement led to her then asking what I was in school for. Ok, simple answer, of which I stumbled over as well: “Oh…uhhh Applied Behavior Analysis”…to which she replied, “Oh, ABA, that’s ABA right?”. I reply: “Yes, yes it’s ABA!” to which she replies “Oh that’s awesome, you want to work with children with Autism?”. “I do want to work with Autistic children, yes” I said.

She then asked if I was already in the field…..this is where my future self would have been handy and useful to me advice wise: “Demi just say that oh, not yet, I plan on entering in after I get my BCBA certification”. Future self did not show up, not until I got into my car and reviewed and assessed what just took place.

Instead of saying that I did not work in the field, I was already on a roll with painting a lovely picture of myself: She reads, she curates, she is in school, she is very well dressed (my outfit was adorable)…why mention my actual career, which has nothing to do with ABA?

Me: “Yes, I work in early intervention now, EI”

Nora: “Oh really! That’s wonderful, which company?”

Me: “Oh it’s a company called About Play” (thinking that would end the conversation, because the career field isn’t that big, and she probably knows nothing about About Play, so then I could collect my goods and flee the scene!)

Nora: “Oh what a small world!! I know the owners, Jennifer and Willie Jean, right?, I used to work with Jennifer at Easter Seals”

Me: “Oh how awesome, small world indeed!” (again: thinking that would end the conversation because her used to is past tense, and I could collect my goods and flee the scene!)

Nora goes on about how she knows the owner and how long she’s known her, etc. In return I incoherently babble on, trying to switch gears, about how I ‘earned my BA in psychology with a minor in sociology at…ummmm SNHU’, stumbling over my words because at that point I am trying to figure out how to get her mind off of the fact that she knows my ‘current bosses’. I mention that I am now at Purdue Global earning my MA in ABA, so that I can sit for the BCBA exam, and that it was only going to take me 1 year to complete that degree, at that point I mistakenly brought her right back around to talking about early intervention and About Play:

Nora: “I have Jennifer’s number what’s your name? I am going to text her now, and let her know that I met you! Oh look I have 2 different numbers for her (Proceeds to scroll through her phone)..gosh the last time I text her was ……years ago, which one is her number? I have a 980…and a….” (at this point all of her words are fading into the background of blah blah blah’s as my panic-before-embarrassment senses are kicking in, all while trying to come up with an alternate story about how I actually do not work there!).

Me: “Oh my name is Demi, but I work more so with the supervisors so I don’t have Jennifer’s number”

Nora: “Oh ok, who’s one of the supervisors, that you work with?” “Maybe I know her!”

Me: “Oh her name is Beth…” (the supervisor that I interviewed with, and know personally as she was the EI when my youngest daughter needed the service through that company).

At this point, the 5-alarm fire is now blazing and out of control as I am praying that she does not text this lady and mention my name right in front of me, only to receive a text back that I am lying. I start to panic and remark about how roasting hot it is in the shop, and she replies that it’s actually rather cold to her. Now I realize it probably wasn’t hot at all, that was just my flight mode kicking into full gear.

She sets her phone down briefly to finish the incriminating chat and asks what I did before early intervention, and I reply that I was in international logistics..she is surprised at the drastic contrast in the change of career and I explain that I felt more like a robot in that position, just a faceless entity behind an email or excel report…only I am still that faceless robot in international logistics. 5-alarm fire goes down to a 4, but I still need to get out of there!

I explained that I felt more sense of purpose in my current position and that it was more of my ‘calling’ than international export logistics. Nora was so touched and explained her position with Easter Seals and what led her to quit and pursue a career as a teacher’s assistant, in which she feels more emotionally comforted because the last position left her with severe burnout.

I then countered with the importance of self care in career fields such as those, and followed up with a story about my brief stint as a Guardian Ad Litem with the county government and how traumatic that was for me having to read though the cases of abuse and neglect and she empathized as a former foster care review board member.

She then grabbed a piece of paper, I felt a sense of horror hoping she didn’t ask for my number! But instead she asked about the financial benefit of becoming a BCBA. I gave her the income figures that I ran across during my career search when inquiring on what fields I could enter with my psych. degree. I told her that I learned that I needed the MA in ABA to proceed to the BCBA exam. I explained that Purdue Global, unlike SNHU has zoom classes, so I won’t feel like I am teaching myself, and I have the ability to ask questions and take important notes given by the professor. She did not ask for my number (I said a silent thank you to the heavens) she instead wrote down “BCBA and Purdue Global”.

To my relief, a customer walked up behind me and needed assistance, I quickly excused myself from the register, she called me by name as she said her goodbyes and proceeded to pick up her phone again to finish her text to Jennifer that she had met her wonderful new employee. So much for hoping that she was as bad with names as I am.

2 truths, I indeed hold a Bachelors of Art in psychology with a minor in sociology. I am indeed starting my MA in ABA this coming 1/29/25. But needless to say I do NOT work for About Play although I have had 2 interviews with the company.

Future me was waiting in the car with the advice that I could have just simply explained that although I was not in the field yet, that is where my passion lies and as soon as I graduate, I am ready to take on the career change! I sure could have used that advice while I was standing at the register…telling lies. Future me noted that I can never go back into the Mercantile; because I am sure that Jennifer advised Nora that I do not work for the company and she has no idea who I am.

I am sure Nora is wondering why I lied to her.

The fact of the matter is, I don’t know why I lied. It just seemed a lot better than explaining why I was pursing a degree in ABA when I work in logistics, however along the path of my finely crafted story, I ended up explaining that anyway.

Another part of me was not prepared for normal conversation and extended interaction. Most of the time, all I heard myself saying was flubberty flub-flub oogaah booga-booga…..in reality my body was there but my mind was in a socialized panic.

It’s actually funny when I play it back in my head, because life has its blunders and I spend a lot of time in my private quarters closed off to the world but I am not immune to those blunders. But, this experience was a lesson for me, I realized that I need to get out and actually interact and engage in meaningful conversation again. I have become this residential creature of habit and it has the potential to create more of the mental barriers that I came across today.

Instead of making a new friend, I caused myself the embarrassment of not being able to show my face inside one of my favorite shops ever again, all because of 2 truths and a not so well thought out lie.

Nevertheless enjoy the photo below of my little Mercantile haul from the day that I held less than usual rectitude.