There are tons of self-help topics online, in books, magazines, podcasts and more that explore personal emotions, but one topic that seems to garner less attention is the feeling of loneliness when you’re ‘leveling up’ in life. This frequently occurs because, as you make significant positive changes, you may naturally distance yourself from people who don’t align with your new goals or lifestyle, leading to a sense of isolation. This can be due to spending more time focused on self-improvement, potentially neglecting existing relationships, or simply outgrowing certain social circles.
Leveling up can start with small things, for example: setting small attainable goals such as wanting to loose weight or start a new degree. Maybe you want to start saving for a house, or travel to uncommon places. The more dedicated you are to those goals the more you take steps to cross those things off of your list. During the process you may start to illuminate things and ideas that take you where we want to be, in turn also eliminating things and ideas that hinder or stall your growth processes. As you evolve, you might recognize relationships that are holding you back and decide to distance yourself from them, which can initially feel isolating. If your social circle is not actively pursuing similar goals, or any goals at all for that matter, you might struggle to connect with them on the same level, causing a sense of disconnection. The process of self-improvement often involves introspection and self-evaluation, which can lead to a temporary and sometimes permanent feelings of detachment from others as you navigate your own internal changes.
It’s good to outgrow previous versions of yourself, especially when those versions of yourself allowed room for toxic situations. When you start to disallow the pushing of your boundaries you create patterns of growth which can create a snowball affect as you set up to accomplish one goal after another. Comfort zones aren’t always a danger to our wellbeing, but when they are, it’s best to let them go. If you want to loose weight yet you are surrounded by people that constantly mock your wishes or encourage you to continue to stay in your current cycle of unhealthy eating habits, just because they are doing the same, its counterproductive to your goals. If you want to save money but your social circle gets upset when you turn down events that would hinder your financial goals, it is best to reevaluate the authenticity of those friendships. If you want to start a new project or explore a new degree path and you are met with snide comments about how your last degree didn’t yield the job you hoped for, there is no sugar coating that those types of relationships are the opposite of encouraging and its time to place them on the shelf.
Although it is usually easier said than done, there are ways to transition into a better version of yourself while still maintaining your current relationships and social circles. The first step is to acknowledge your feelings, give them space to exist because burying them will create more tension and feelings of restlessness as you try to figure out what is eating away at your emotions. This could also make you irritable and in some cases volatile depending on the severity of the circumstances. its best to find a healthy way to express yourself and your exact feelings to those that you love and care about. Make it clear that you are there for them when they want to pivot in life (and make sure that you are!) and that you expect from them, the same emotional support that you have provided. Explain why your goals are important to you and how much it would mean to you if you were to receive positive support and constructive feedback. Also note that the relationship means a lot to you, so you want the comfort of being able to enhance your personal growth all while still maintaining your current relationships.
If you decide that it’s more conducive to your mental health and well being to let go of relationships that do not serve your goals and growth processes, that is ok as well! Take the time to learn more about what helps you nurture yourself in your natural state. Pick up a new (or old!) hobby that aligns with the person that you are becoming. Cultivate a sense of self independent of useless and mentally harmful toxic relationships and social circles. Be who you want to be, learn a new ‘language of self’ that helps you mentally stabilize your transition in life, so that you are able to be fully present in the positive moments that you are creating. Look for events that have groups of people that are more aligned with your ideal self. If you love art, visit museum events and strike up meaningful conversations with those that are more on your level or the level that you want to be on!
Overall, don’t fall into isolation – if you take steps to ground yourself, embrace who you want to be, and develop a plan to stay in a positive mental health space, everything else will fall into place!
Happy New year! May it be everything that you want it to be, and more!
Self Cultivation 